In 2024 faith revolutionised my flare up and pain experience
Faith altering suffering
Over Easter weekend 2024 I slipped on water in a petrol station and sprained my ankle. For an average person, this would lead to a couple of days of ice and a little hobbling, for a previous sufferer of CRPS as myself, it led to one of the most severe and debilitating flareup I have had in several years, and yet in a profound way it has been different.
Yes, immense pain, complete debilitation, days turning into weeks of time in bed with my eyes covered unable to cope with the world around me because my sympathetic and central nervous systems are hyperactive. Even escapism is difficult when the distractions themselves cause pain; but this flare up has been different to all others. In the place of despair and fear, is a level of safety and comfort; comfort from something greater than myself. A strength and peace, more caring and loving than ever before, that gives me contentment even in the pain. Let me explain more....
Born Again
In February 2023 I became a born again Christian, it wasn’t something I was looking for and my experiences of ‘religion’ prior to this were pretty negative and limited to Christmas and Easter family trips to church. My testimony of how I came to my faith can be found on you tube: Mary Testimony link
So how can God be related to my Pain experience?
Well, this flareup, has been more challenging in many ways, my husband Matt, is on military operations away so I’m left with my three and five-year-old girls under my care. Being in severe pain and knowing you need to rest and having young children with their own ailments, waking you throughout the night and demanding breakfast at 5 am makes pacing a lot more challenging. Not to mention getting them dressed, fed and to school/nursery on time, juggling swimming lessons, ballet class, birthday parties and don’t get me started on the difficulties of bedtime routine. The whole time you’re in agonising pain and all you want to do is bury your head in despair. But Gods Grace has reached me in all the hardest times. I am definitely not taking away or ever grateful for what my incredible family have been doing to help in every way they can with the girls, giving me much needed time to rest at weekends. However, in the long hours of pain the knowledge of something greater gives me a comfort that uplifts in the darkest moments. Through prayer, Jesus is an outlet to ask for help, that relieves the weight of the worries; ‘Cast all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you’ 1 Peter 5:7.
Comfort in Pain
This flare up has been ongoing over six weeks- this has been longer and more severe than previous flare ups. My central nervous system exploded and the light sensitivity was so overwhelming I have spent hours in darkness over the past six weeks. The presence of God with me has filled me with comfort and a level of contentment that I cannot explain other than spiritually; ‘Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our afflictions’ 2 Corinthians 1:3-4.
Help in Helplessness
Admitting your struggling and asking for for help in helplessness isn’t always easy, therefore, having faith in a loving, caring, understanding God that will share the burden of suffering and meet you in your pain relieves the agony ‘Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble and you will find rest for your soul’ Matthew 11:29
Peace in Pain
It is so easy to fall into fear when in pain, fear of the future, fear of how long this will last and how long can I cope. So to be able to ask and receive a peace so great it calms the mind of fear and stills the soul, And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7
For me Gods gift of His peace and freedom from fear has carried me through the most challenging times alone with my pain. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. John 14:27.
Guilt Gone
Previous flare ups were shrouded in guilt, guilt that I had done something wrong to have a flare up and that I wasn't doing enough, guilt of having to rely on others for help and the hardest of all; the guilt from knowing I made other people feel bad seeing me in pain. This time though that burden has lifted. My belief that Jesus died on the cross for me (and for you) baring all our sin, grief and sorrows and set me free from the burden of guilt; ‘Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows’ Isiah 53:4.
Compassion in Pain
As I have come to know Jesus and feel His presence in my everyday life I have experienced His love and compassion. In the long hours of solitude the fullness and gratitude it brings surprises me. Yet it remains hard to describe faith. Bear Grylls says ’I can only talk from experience. For me, having a Christian faith can be difficult to articulate. It's like describing ice cream or swimming - it has to be tried to be felt. But, in a nutshell, my faith tells me that I am known, that I am secure and that I am loved - regardless of the storms I may find myself in from time to time, regardless of how often I fall and fail’. Bear Grylls https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/bear-grylls-on-faith
Faith is a relationship not a religion
My belief that we are all designed to have a loving relationship with our creator does not go against my knowledge in evolution or that dinosaurs roamed the earth. It doesn't distract me from my rehabilitation and the wealth of knowledge and experience of the medical professionals. I spent years of my life studying science and fully believe in it. However, as my faith has grown, my experiences reassure me that there is a God and He wants to know each and everyone of us and support us through all the hard times we face. He offers hope in the world where our plans are not turning out as we would like them to and so much seems unjust and hard to explain. I do know that once we turn to Him, He will never turn away from us. Jesus tells us “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you’’. Matthew 7:7. Above all He promises that we will not be alone in our times of need; ''Behold, I am with you always'' Matthew 28:20 and ''I will not leave you or forsake you'' (Joshua 1:5)
God provides me with a place a safety in the midst of my greatest pain:. ''O Lord, my strength and my stronghold, my refuge in the day of trouble''. Jeremiah 16:19. And an inner joy of knowing Him admidst the suffering that can’t be found elsewhere; ''The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy''. Psalm 28:7.
Faith is a Crutch
Bear Grylls describes faith as a crutch- personally I think I am an expert on crutches, having spent seven years of my life relying on them. Whilst, I no longer need a physical crutch to function everyday, if my faith is a crutch that helps me stand and face the challenges of life with a smile on my face and joy in my heart, making me stronger in the dark hard times then I am happy to admit I need a crutch in my life and echo Bears words ‘I am no longer too proud to admit that I need my Saviour beside me’. Bear Gyrlls https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/bear-grylls-on-faith
If you are struggling with pain, despair, fear and anxieties I urge you to look to Jesus, He is waiting with open arms. So the Lord must wait for you to come to Him so he can show you his love and compassion. For the Lord is a faithful God. Isiah 30:18 (NIV)
What do you believe?
I can only share my experiences and say that through the pain of the past six weeks my faith has only grown, as Jesus has met me in the darkest moments. He has kept all His promises to be with me, comfort me and strengthen me. Therefore, I pray that everyone reading this will take a moment to ask themselves what they believe and whether they have ever put much thought into it. Maybe you dont think you need a crutch right now, but do you want to wait until you do to find out?
Have you ever ached or longed for something that can't quite be filled? Have you ever considered that we are more than just a physical flesh, but have a soul and spirit that needs nourishing too? Perhaps you have heard a piece of music or walked into a church/holy place and felt the calm and peace that reaches deeper inside?
What do you believe when you die, or what do you hope for; is there a heaven and hell, and thought about how you get there? Does your opinion on the way there correlate to God’s, ‘the giver’ of eternal life. For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16) and Thomas said to him, “Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?“ Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:5-6
There are so many great questions wrapped up in faith and so many great promises for us to accept in Gods word; The Bible. Please do not hesitate to get in touch if you wish to explore it more. I will help if I can or try direct you in the direction of someone who can. Another great place to start is to visit alpha.org to find out more.